Monday, August 5, 2013

Words of Advice

Over the past year and a half, especially since I filled everyone in on what’s going on, I have gotten a LOT of “advice”. Some of it was great advice from people who have been or who are in my shoes, some OK advice from people who are a friend of a friend of someone who has been in my shoes and then there is that downright bad advice.

*Please know that I am not singling anyone out and I truly do appreciate the prayers and the words of encouragement so Please Don’t be offended by anything you read*

Bad Advice:
1. “Maybe this is God’s way of saying he doesn’t want you to be a mom!”

Yes, someone REALLY told me that! As a Christian I know that God has a plan for my life and clearly that plan is that I am not going to be a mom right now but I also believe that God would not give me such a strong desire to be a mom if that was not part of his plan for my life.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart!” – Psalm 37:4

OK Advice - this is definitely not bad advice but I have heard a LEAST 100,000 times in the past year and a half . . .

1. “stop trying, it will happen”
2. “I have a friend of a friend who adopted and as soon as they got their baby she got pregnant!”
3. “Don’t worry”
4. “My second cousin’s sister’s friend took that same medicine and she got pregnant right away, it will work for you!”

No, this is not bad advice but it’s the Go-To responds when people find out you are having trouble conceiving. Yes, every now and then I need the reminder to not worry so much but “stop trying and it will happen” is kind of hard when you have to keep track of meds and such and it is one thing if you are dealing with or have dealt with this personally but hearing about your “second cousin’s sister’s friend” is not helpful.

Great Advice:
1. ______________________________ (notice, NOTHING! Just listening, wiping tears and a good ole fashion hug)
2. “I am praying for you”
3. “Write a letter to your future child each month!”
4. “It’s okay to be angry!”

These are just a few but Definitely the BEST advice I have received. Venting while Chris or friends sit and listen with a box of tissues and wrap their arms around me and knowing that I have people who truly care about Chris & I and are praying for us has brought me more comfort than I can even begin to express. Taking the time to write a letter each month for our future child has also been a great way for me to relax and focus on God’s plan, not mine!
Lastly, #4 might seem strange but as Christians I think we often forget that it is okay be get angry but it is not okay to let your anger consume you. Thankfully Chris is willing to sit up at all hours of the night when I need to get out all my frustrations so that the anger I feel at times will not consume me.
“In your anger do not sin, Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry” – Ephesians 4:26

Like I said before I did not write this offend anyone and if I happen to list something you may have said before as “OK Advice” please know that just knowing that you truly care means the world to us even if you don’t know how to express it!

I have a doctor appointment next month and I'll most likely be switching meds.


  1. I came across this blog post on the PCOS Diva Facebook page and I must say it's like it was written especially for me. As my struggle to conceive grows longer and harder I constantly get some of the WORST advice ever from friends who don't understand what it's like to have such a strong desire. Yesterday I added "Well you can have one of my kids" to the list of WORST advice/things to say to a woman trying to conceive. Wishing you luck on your journey!

  2. I too, came upon this in the PCOS DIVA FB page. You have posted all of my thoughts and pet peeves right here in this blog. You, dear lady, are not alone. Every ache of your heart is felt in mine too. For that, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and send nothing but positive vibes your way.

  3. I came from PCOS Diva too. I totally understand what you are saying. I got pregnant with my daughter rather quickly. So when the time came for #2 I lost it at 6 weeks. I feel the same way as you with the strong desire to have kids. I definitely want more than one and I just need to be patient. The worst advice I got after loosing my second was at least you have one already. Be happy with that. I know they meant well but that was horrible to me. I know I am very lucky to have the child that I have but that does not help with the strong desire to have more. Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

  4. I came to see you from PCOS DIVA too. As a Christian woman and comeone with PCOS I have gone through all the things you have. After 6 years of struggle I have now a son who is going to be 6 this month. never lose hope. His promises never fail. Someone from church who had told us that maybe it was god's will for me never to have kids then after we had our son came to me and said please forgive me. Your faith was stronger than mine. Never give up. Only believe. x

  5. ANOTHER PCOS Diva one :)
    Being a christian adds another element to the whole thing. I am now a mother of 2, with PCOS and a few other issues as well. I have learned a few things.
    I cannot believe some of the "bad" or "ok" ones you have received, but I can identify with those having heard them too.
    I have two "advice" pieces to give you. 1)Without drama own the fact that you are allowed to feel however you feel at any point- it is human nature- you get to decide how you choose to deal with those emotions. (go to Jesus!!!) No one should tell you that you can't have moments that you deal with jealousy, rage, frustration, disappointment, hurt, anger etc. When someone tells you you shouldn't feel that way they are wrong.
    2) Find and continuously read as needed every story in the bible where God intervened and gave someone a child. This will do wonders for your faith on a hard day. My particular favorite is the story of Hannah. She prayed for a child, and God gave her one, and she gave him back to aGod, and went on to have 5 more!!! If you ever want a pep talk- email me- even though you don't know me :)

  6. I truly understand how you feel. I'm so frustrated inside and I feel like I have no one I can talk to. I will keep you in my prayers.

  7. Your blog truly spoke to my heart. We are in the exact same place. Nice to find other people going thru the same life struggles. I just actually started blogging about our journey although it has been going on 10+ years.

    Would love to chat :)

  8. Thanks so much for your post. It never ceases to amaze me the advice that people think may be helpful...but certainly is not. Thanks for also posting what has helped you. Love the writing a letter to your future children monthly...what a great way to channel energy.